Today, im hungry.
THERE ARENT 57 VARIETIES!!! ITS ALL A SHAM! i detest the this man, who does he thinks he is? did he THINK he could fool ME?!? i was on to him from the beginning, i know i was. my brain is constantly scanning for infractions in MY reality, and once it finds one, it lets me know... YESTER EVE IT FOUND ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES, i refer to Mr Heinz's little scam. ever notice it says "57 varieties" on the bottle of Heinz ketchup? HA! i, and a CRACK squad of ELITE condiment specialists could not determine what 57 varieties to which he referred. so we called it in. our man on the keys at that time, i speak of none other than JOHN FRANK. though who knows his name quake with fear, those who DONT know of this man, are just mildly confused... and to you i say FUDER KNUCKLES! john, with god-like proficiency jumped on the inter-web and spoofed from node to node snooping out clues. he stumbles across something that sounded sketchy, around the google Node. THIS WAS IT! the answer we had been looking for... it was hard to decode, john had to use s special protocol and mark-up language to determine and decipher the code. but the keen witted chap he is, pulled it in with his TCP/IP stack, using the Hyper Text mark-up language. i couldnt have done it better myself. after pulling up the data in Iexplorer.exe he discovered the shocking truth... THERE ARE NO 57 VARIETIES. turns out, mr Heinz just liked the numbers 5 and 7. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!??!?!?!
my brain is still healing...
-Fuck
__________________________________________
and now... A STORY ABOUT A DUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________
What’s the difference between a sick mallard and your mother? Well, one’s a duck with a cold, and I don’t remember the rest, but your mother’s a whore.
HA! Now THAT’S funny!
This is scene setting, see? Essentially, I’m building up a whole lot of nothing.
Anyhow, pensive as I am, I’m trapped in thought. Man, THAT’S new. Usually, the subject matter is serious, but not necessarily profound things, relating to difficult decisions in my life. It’s usually more like “Man, I really need to get off my ass and do this or that.” instead of “What’s the meaning of life?”
Anyhow, have you ever seen a movie, read a book, or witness any sort of media where they mix an object and its surroundings in a way that should provoke thought? Like in 12 Monkeys where they had that lion in that dead department store, or anywhere else where they’d misplace a wild animal in a bustling metropolis. It usually represents some sort of statement about technology coexisting (or not) with nature, shit like that.
So I’m sitting in this booth with cold toast, lukewarm coffee, and a $2 view of Washtenaw in morning traffic, and I get my moment. A mallard. Bright green head and pretty feathers and little and cute and something that makes me think of the mill pond in Brighton and all that happy horseshit. So there’s this duck. And he’s walking around the front lawn, not 100 ft from 5 lanes of traffic, just trotting around like he’d just been dropped there. I don’t know where he came from, but he eventually sits down and just looks around, almost like he’s waiting for the bus.
So, of course, there’s this instant where he looks over to the building, tilts his head, and just stares (as much as any duck would I guess). Being me, I purposefully overdramatize the moment to gratify my own need for drama and entertainment. I look for some sort of metaphor that I can apply to make this into a Kevin Spacey moment or something.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just a duck.
Damn me.
-Clitoria Jones
__________________________________________
WHY WONT THESE FUCKING WHEELS LOCK? everyday its like the god damn ice capaids, but not really.
__________________________________________
sometimes i lie, sometimes i "lie", but sometimes, i LIE...
-Case
__________________________________________
today i was bored, and hit some random keys in googles search engine to see what came up. i hit the keys "asdf" which, if you just slam your hand on the keyboard, your chances of hitting these keys, are pretty good. it took me here.
__________________________________________
New stuff today:
we got a new staff member, who has his own section. you can find his section here. also, i updated the menu, look around in it. theres some stuff for only staff memebers with passwords, so it wont be of much USE to the likes of you...
__________________________________________
BE A MEMBER!
simply email fuck@neverendingdoom and tell him you want to be a member, of the ever popular website, www.neverendingdoom.com! all you need do, is tell him an email address he may post next to your name, and your in! email him soon, space is running out! (<-- sales ploy)
-Case
No comments:
Post a Comment